Goat Simulator 3 (2022)

After playing the hilarious joke that is, Goat Simulator, Coffee Stain Studios did it again. It all starts with the title, in which they skip the second part and call their game: Goat Simulator 3.

Goat Simulator 3 is a ridiculous, funny and epic game. It is intended to be one big joke and succeeded in this goal. You are just a goat, set on a big map and need to do “stuff”. There is not much of a story, although in this game, you build a secret society of goats by upgrading your goat tower (which was a simple side quest in the first game) and break the seals of the gateway in the middle, which leads to the boss fight. To do this, you must complete “important tasks” and secret missions to earn points that eventually break the seals. So technically, this game has a clear goal and/or story.

The main goal of the game is to collect enough “Illuminati points” to open the door to the final boss. You do this by completing various tasks and secret missions that are spread out over the entire map. Discovering the quests, figuring out what to do and seeing the fruits of your labor is the best feature this game offers. You spawn half of the Swedish population from badly build Ikea furniture, you help Hobo the Grey, a homeless wizard, with building a tent from trash bags and boxes, you yeet a whale back into the ocean and you summon aliens by activating 5G cell towers. It is just epic; I have no other word for it.

There is a load of other things to do, collect and discover on the big, open world map. For a game that costs around twenty euros, it is packed with content and worth every penny. You collect goat figures, spread all across the map, can do glorious stunts on ramps and find many pieces of clothing. These clothes are just as ridiculous as the first game, and I think, they are even better.

The clothing is hilarious. You can wear dresses, wigs, change the color of your fur or go in your birthday suit. You can carry a grandma with a wool cannon on your back, can wear everything as a silly hat, can spawn fish that you lunge at people, can fart yourself ten feet in the air and the list goes on. There is no limit. You can also turn into a banana that kicks people, a scarecrow and a shark on a skateboard. They were on drugs when creating this game.

Goat Simulator 3 is not a game that you must take seriously, it is not intended to be. Everything in this game is a joke or something ridiculous. I don’t know how the developers do it, but every time I thought I had seen it all, they surprised me with something new. I honestly believe that the people at Coffee Stain Studios have the most creative masterminds on their payroll for coming up with this stuff. It is just amazing to think that someone there thought: “You know what we need to include? A mascot statue for an oil company that squirts oil from its vagina on you when you tickle it under its legs”.

The graphics are good enough in Goat Simulator 3 and the viewing distance is nice. There is a lot going on in the game at once, so it is quite demanding for a game this silly.

The sound effects are nice, but I liked the music better in the first game. Although the tracks in this game are not bad at all, the first game offered soundtracks that sounded so silly that it really enhanced the feeling of playing something so ridiculous as Goat Simulator.

There are tons and tons of references and quests that relates to popular movies, other video games, superstitions and controversies. One moment, you collect the “Purity Ring” from Bilbo Baggins little hobbit home, travel to “Mount Inferno” and throw yourself and the ring in it. Next thing you know, you are in the train station of the Harry Potter movies, the last dreamworld version of it, when Harry died from Voldemort. On your walk through the woods, you see some hippies hugging a tree. You need to save the poor trees and kick off the hippies. It is just all over the place.

I really like that all the results and outcomes of your quests stay behind when you complete them. The map gets filled with new NPC’s that you encountered/unlocked, some effects, like breaking the Hoofer Dam stays in place for the whole game and the Aliens you summoned with the 5G towers keep hovering over your head. It becomes more of a mess with every passing second.

The best part of this game is that you simply cannot complain about it. Every complaint you might have makes you think: “Oh yeah, that’s right, I play as a freakin goat, of course this doesn’t work”.

The boss battle was epic and, like usual, was one big joke and mockery of the game, its creators and the studio itself.

I think this game is even better than the first one and the creativity is stunning. Coffee Stain Studios outdid themselves with Goat Simulator 3 and never have I laughed more than with this game. It was the most fun I had with a game in a long time.

Definitely worth it.